Tonight I sang my 22 month old baby girl her favorite story book ‘Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?’  She cuddled with me in her footsie pajamas and when I got to the part where I sing, “Mother, Mother what do you see,” my baby girl gave me a sweet smile like she always does when I get to this part and she nuzzled me.  My heart melted and all I could think was, “God bless my little girl and please don’t ever let anything bad happen to her.”   It’s so easy as a parent to pray and wish that nothing bad ever happens to our children, especially with all the craziness in this world.  We all know that when our children hurt, we hurt, and a mother’s worst nightmare is to know that her child was hurt by something or worse by someone.

For me the fear of my child getting hurt especially haunts me because when I was a child someone hurt me.  See around six years old I was molested by a man who was close to our family who we should have been able to trust, but obviously this was not the case.

Unfortunately during this time I was in need of a male figure in my life.  This damaging and life changing series of molestations took place after my mom and father divorced, but before my mom and step-dad (who I adore) met and married.  So being that my father was in New York, while my mom and I were relocated in California, I was the perfect target for a male Pedophile.  I was a little girl in need of a man’s attention and so this man gave me his attention, doted on me as if I was his little girl, and made me feel special.  That’s what Pedophile’s do, they “seduce” their targets by making them feel special, by making that particular child trust them, it’s all a very well thought out sick plan for them.

This is the reason why I am absolutely beside myself that Amazon.com would allow the sale of “The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure,” an electronic book written and published by Phillip R. Greaves.   I’m even more beside myself that Amazon decided to defend it’s decision to allow for the sale of this book, rather than apologize for it and remove it right away.

In an emailed statement Amazon said, “Amazon believes it is censorship not to sell certain books simply because we or others believe their message is objectionable.” Amazon then went on to say that “Amazon does not support or promote hatred or criminal acts, however, we do support the right of every individual to make their own purchasing decisions.”

These pathetic statements Amazon made absolutely disgusted me to the core. Amazon you most certainly did support and promote hatred and criminal acts as you allowed this “author” to have a forum to sell and promote this product, this hideous book geared towards the victimization of innocent children since October!  SHAME ON YOU AMAZON.COM!!!!!

My question to you Amazon is that you say you support the right of every individual to make their own purchasing decisions, but how come you didn’t support the right of every individual child to be protected?!!!!?  Every child has the right to be safe, but every child is not safe and having products or books that perpetuate the problems and disorders of society such as pedophilia does not promote the well being of children anywhere.  SHAME ON YOU AMAZON!!!!!

The author Greaves argues in “The Pedophile’s Guide” that pedophiles are misunderstood, as the word literally means to love a child.  The author also said that it is only a crime to act on sexual impulses toward children, and offers advice that purportedly allows pedophiles to abide by the law.

All I can say to that is give me an F’n Break!  Amazon.com should have never allowed this book to be on their website!  And if they were unaware at first, then it should have been removed as soon as they were made aware of it.

I’m disappointed that they put out those ridiculous statements about censorship instead of apologizing and removing the book right away.  Even the child online-safety advocacy group Enough is Enough said that although they’re not surprised that someone would publish such a book, they said that Amazon should have removed it because selling the book lends the impression that child abuse is normal.

Unfortunately, this story gets much worse.  Even though Amazon has finally removed the book, since this story broke yesterday morning, sales of this self-published e-book went up by 101,000%!

So this is what I want to know now, why did we have to ask Amazon to remove this book in the first place?  Were they too dumb to not know that selling this book was wrong to begin with?  Once again SHAME ON YOU AMAZON!!!

When I look back on my childhood to those brief months that felt like a lifetime, when a grown man was touching me inappropriately and making me feel ashamed…I realize now as an adult woman how he robbed me of my innocence, of how he brought the world that I had seen before him, with such sunshine and light, into a place of confusion and darkness for me instead.  And yet I stand here today feeling like I was one of the lucky ones because the abuse did stop, because I was only touched and not raped.  However, I can’t help but wonder about those children who weren’t and aren’t so lucky?  What kind of “rights” did this book serve them?

I have a wonderful mom and a wonderful step-dad who I adore and they gave me a great life despite the fact that a man, not even a man, a monster, entered my life for a brief period of time and made an impression on it, in such a way that a child should never have to imagine.

And even to this day, I have carried the secret around.  I did tell my mom about it when I was 11 years old and of course she was devastated by it.  However, I made her promise not to tell my step-dad because I didn’t think he would be able to emotionally handle it…..And still, I’m not even sure if my mom ever told him or not.  At that time she said she wouldn’t tell him and so it is my belief that the secret was kept.

With all this, I did go to counseling though and I have opened up to my best friends about it  as well…And of course my husband knows about it too. Yet, this is the first time I have ever really gone public with it, but this Amazon story just made me want to come out with my story though.

I just feel that I’m a grown woman now and I shouldn’t have to feel like this is my dirty little secret to keep anymore, because it’s not mine to keep.  It’s that child molester’s dirty little secret to keep, he has ownership over the shame now, not me anymore.

Also I want Amazon to know, and I want everyone to know that roughly 33% of girls and 14% of boys are molested before the age of 18, according to the U.S. Justice Department. However, what’s scarier is that these statistics are only based on reported cases and unfortunately most cases of child molestation goes unreported.  It is estimated that only 35% of sexual abuse is reported.  Most children are just too scared, ashamed, and embarrassed to say anything.  I know I was.

Do me a favor, if you know me, don’t act weird around me after you read this because I’m still the same person.  Please just be aware that these atrocities towards children can happen to anyone, to the happiest, and most stable of homes.

On my website www.mommyhoodtohollywood.com, I have a page called, ‘Mommy’s Hood’ where I refer moms to places where they can find deals on products.  Amazon is one of those places I often refer moms to.  I put out a statement yesterday that if Amazon did not remove this book from their website, then I would remove the products I have from them off of my site instead.  Well, Amazon has removed the book, but yet I still find myself feeling weird about referring moms to their site now.

At this point, I would like to ask Amazon if they can donate or create a program that is geared towards helping victims of child molestation.  I think that could help rectify the situation a bit.  Everyone let’s just remember that we need to start protecting the children and not the predators.